14 funny and bizarre things people have done while drunk

We round up some of the amusing and odd things people have reportedly done while under the influence, from trying to give a rubber dinghy CPR to illegally catching 122 sea bass.

Paddy Power’s ‘drunk tank’ which was rolled out at Royal Ascot this year.

Over the years, we’ve reported on a number of bizarre drunken antics, from intoxicated burglars, regrettable purchases and expensive taxi rides.

As the booze-fuelled Christmas party season approaches, we’ve rounded up a selection of the strangest stories to have made headlines. Some involve individuals who had good intentions, but got a little lost on the way, while others probably wish they’d never decided to go out that night.

If you’re after something more animal-centric, take a look at our top drunken animal stories featuring a ‘shet-faced’ pony, a squiffy squirrel who broke into a private members’ club and a merry moose that got stuck in a tree.

Drunk man forgets he sold his own car

Last year, a drunk man in New Zealand sold his car in order to buy more booze, only to wake up in the morning, forget he’d done so and report it stolen.

As reported in the NZ Herald, the incident took place in the town of Rotorua in New Zealand’s North Island.

The man, who was not named, had been drinking but, finding himself short of money for another round, decided his best option was to sell his car for NZ$800 (£440) to the first person who’d agree.

Senior sergeant Dennis Murphy of the Rotorua police told the newspaper that the man came to report the vehicle as stolen and, shortly afterwards, the car itself reappeared.

Murphy commented that while the key message was still ‘don’t drink and drive’, “The lesson here is don’t drink and sell cars”.

Drunk man gets stuck in leprechaun cut out 

The luck of the Irish unfortunately doesn’t apply when you’re English.

Danny Melody made headlines in 2016 when he became trapped inside a novelty leprechaun cut out when celebrating his 21st birthday in Dublin.

“It did really hurt when my ears had to be squashed through, the board was tight and they started to really swell up, my face was going red,” he told The Mirror. “They were still sore four days later, and I had to spend the rest of the holiday with bright red ears – it was definitely my ears that were my biggest downfall that day.”

Unsurprisingly, his mates were less than sympathetic and recorded the incident for the world to see. A video of hapless Melody went viral, with the video having been viewed more than three million times.

Drunk man performs CPR on rubber dinghy

You have to applaud his good intentions. In March 2015, a well-meaning Frenchman was so intoxicated he was found trying to resuscitate a rubber dinghy, believing it to be a dying person.

Police officers discovered the 22-year-old in a shipyard in Brittany, northern France, giving the dinghy mouth to mouth and heart massage.

The would-be-hero believed that the dinghy was a dying person, as reported by The Telegraph, and had even called the emergency services asking for an ambulance to rush to the scene.

Man arrested after drunken sea bass catch

In one of the more unusual examples of drunken misdemeanours, a man was arrested in 2015 for illegally catching 122 sea bass on a night out.

Environmental Police from Massachusetts spotted the man’s catch while patrolling a canal in Boston. On board, they discovered a haul of no less than 122 black sea bass, as reported by The Telegraph.

In an apparent drunken stupor, the man decided to take his recreational fishing boat out for a spin, reeling in the mountain of bass that would have put most professional fisherman to shame.

However his overzealous, albeit impressive catch merely served to hook him a criminal record. Just eight bass are permitted to be caught in this particular canal by a single fisherman due to fears of overfishing. Furthermore, the man was found to be over the limit for operating a motorboat and without a licence.

Police arrest drunk time traveller from 2048

This man clearly had quite a vivid imagination…

Last year, police officers in Casper, Wyoming, arrested a drunk man claiming to have time travelled from the year 2048 to warn of an impending alien invasion.

Protesting his innocence, Bryant Johnson told police that he was in fact from the future and had travelled back in time to warn authorities that interstellar colonists would soon be making a course for earth.

He then asked to speak to the “president” of the town, explaining that he wanted to help warn others of the extraterrestrials’ arrival.

Johnson explained that his ability to time travel was due to the fact that aliens had filled his body with alcohol and instructed him to stand on a giant pad.

However the device apparently sent Johnson to the wrong point in time, with the time traveller lamenting to police that he had intended to show up in 2018, not 2017, for reasons known only to him.

Burglar gets drunk on Champagne and forgets to make a getaway

The allure of Champagne clearly proved too much for this thief after he failed at the most important element of carrying out a burglary.

French police in the medieval town of Provins, to the south east of Paris, were called to a house in 2014 after residents came home to find their blinds closed, having earlier left them opened, reported Le Parisien.

Inside they found a drunk 42 year old man in the living room.

“He was sitting in front of the television with an empty bottle of Champagne,” a police source said.

The thief had broken in and grabbed a passport and some money and had a bicycle ready for a quick get away before apparently deciding that might be a good time to sit down for a glass of bubbles.

Drunk woman chews through police car

Unlike the previous story, an American woman went to great lengths to get away from police in 2014.

She was initially arrested for using pepper spray on a couple in Idaho. Described as “highly intoxicated”, after the woman was safely delivered to a detention facility, officers realised she had gnawed her way through the upholstery and foam cushioning of the patrol car’s back seat.

In the same year, a Welsh woman caused £200 worth of damage after biting a car during a drunken row.

Drunk man tries to walk home from pub – 45 miles away

Knowing better than to drink and drive, a drunk man decided to walk home from a session at the pub. The only problem: his home was 45 miles away.

The man, who lives in Grimsby, went for a drink in a pub in Lincoln last year.

After declining a taxi, he trudged by the A46 and stopped for a sleep/pit stop in a garden on the way.

When the owner found him, instead of calling the police they gave him a cup of tea and pointed him in the direction of the nearest bus stop, before sending him on his merry way.

The man’s mother later spoke out on Facebook following the incident in an attempt to thank the person that had helped her son.

Drunk stenographer repeatedly writes ‘I hate my job’ in court copy

There are perhaps more subtle ways to indicate job dissatisfaction.

In 2014, reports emerged of an intoxicated court stenographer who wreaked havoc on 30 Manhattan court cases after getting a “touch of The Shining” and repeatedly writing “I hate my job” in his court copy.

During a high-profile criminal trial, Daniel Kochanski, who has since been fired, repeatedly typed “I hate my job”, instead of the trial’s dialogue, according to a report by The New York Post.

The incident, which took place in 2012, is strikingly similar to a scene in the 1980’s film, The Shining, in which Jack Nicholson repeatedly types “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

Drunk man took £1,640 taxi ride through three countries on New Year’s Eve

Having had the presence of mind to take a taxi after drinking, one man woke up with a double headache on New Year’s Day this year.

The man, who was reportedly in his 40s and who has not been named, ordered a cab from the waterfront district Nyhavn in Copenhagen where he had been drinking.

The taxi took him on a six-hour, 600km trip through Sweden to the Abildso neighbourhood of Oslo in Norway.

The man racked up a bill of 18,000 Norwegian kroner, equivalent to £1,640 or US$2224.

But it didn’t end there. When he arrived at his home, the man refused to pay the fee and proceeded to stagger into his home and go to bed.

The angry cab driver was forced to call the police in the early hours of the 1 January after his battery went flat waiting for the man outside his apartment.

The police sent a recovery vehicle and found the man asleep in bed. After he was awoken by the officers, he agreed to pay for the cost of the trip.

Vegan drunk driver fined AU$1,000 over 200 chicken nuggets

At the end of last year, a vegan drunk driver caused a commotion at a drive-thru after demanding 200 chicken nuggets.

Kole Olsen, 30, plead guilty to one count of drunk driving at Hornsby Local Court in Sydney, Australia, following the incident at a McDonald’s car park, as reported by The Daily Telegraph.

The court heard how Olsen had entered the drive thru after a night of drinking and promptly ordered 200 chicken nuggets. When staff explained his order wasn’t available, he yelled “I want my f****** nuggets”.

He then completed four laps of the drive-thru lane while honking his horn before ordering 200 hash browns instead. Staff obliged this request and charged him AUS$230 for the super-sized, carb heavy meal.

Drunk tourist takes wrong turn back to hotel and ends up scaling mountain

Earlier this year, a drunk Estonian tourist visiting the Italian Alps took a wrong turn on his way back to the hotel, climbed a ski run and mistook a bar and restaurant 2,400m up a mountain for his room.

The man, believed to be in his twenties and known as ‘Pavel’, had indulged in some après-ski in Cervinia, a resort in the Valle d’Aosta region of northwest Italy, according to Italian news site La Stampa.

Setting off along the street to his hotel, he reportedly took a wrong turn and ploughed on, despite the road turning into a ski slope.

According to the news site, at between 2 and 3am, ‘Pavel’ spotted the silhouette of a building on the horizon, and believing it to be his hotel, continued up the mountain to reach the Igloo bar and restaurant, located at a height of 2,400 metres.

Armed with his hotel room key, he managed to make his way inside and consumed two bottles of water, before passing out on a bench.

He was discovered by two employees at around 8:30am.

Pavel’s nocturnal wanderings caused quite a commotion, with search parties including the fire brigade, police with two dog units and several drones deployed to try and find him.

Drunk man accidentally buys a peacock, giant salamander and pig

This month, a man fell foul to a spot of overzealous online shopping on China’s Singles Day, waking from a drunken stupor to discover he had accidentally purchased a live pig, peacock and giant salamander.

The unidentified man’s unfortunate purchases were shared on Weibo by the user Puzhexu, and gained nearly 10,000 likes and comments, as well as more than 14,000 reposts on the platform.

As reported by the South China Morning Post, the post, written in Chinese, read: “In the early hours of yesterday morning, when I was drunk, I clicked on Taobao and started shopping … All along I thought I had only bought two sets of clothes,” the man wrote.

“I suddenly remembered to look up the delivery date of my clothes, and realised I had also bought a pig and a peacock.”

Drunk crustaceans behaving badly…

Kim Krustashian strikes a pose – Credit: Kirchhoff / Berezowitz

And finally, while they weren’t exactly drunk, it would be remiss of us not to mention the drunk crustacean calendar unveiled in 2015.

Designed by DJ and photographer Leslie Kirchhoff and Drew Berezowitz, the Drunk Crustacean calendar boasts 12 fantastic images of shrimps, crabs, lobsters and other assorted shellfish in various stages of inebriation.

“Running the gamut of human emotion, these stills capture the chic realities of inebriated shellfish”, writes the duo. “Each photograph distills the vast mysteries of Drunk Crustaceans into visually appetizing and easily digestible tableaux.”