Overheard at the Wine & Spirits Show…

Last weekend, we held our first-ever Wine & Spirits Show in partnership with the spirits business, showcasing more than 1,000 different wines, beers and spirits from across the world.

And after 48 hours of serving industry elites and discerning consumers, we think it’s safe to say you guys really love to talk after a few samples.

We’ve rounded-up our favourite snippets of conversation we overheard at this year’s event, from a quest to find a red, red wine, to spotting celebrities who definitely weren’t there.

So as not to appear unfairly elitist or insulting our own readers in the trade, we’ve roasted the lot of you. Trade quotes are in bold, consumers are in plain text. All are anonymous.

So, without further ado, here’s a run-down of the best soundbites we caught at our Wine & Spirits Show…

“I want your reddest wine.”

“These people with backpacks, they just don’t understand the trade, you know.”

“I want your palest rosé”

“Where’s the G&T bar?” *while reading the sign for the G&T bar in-front of the G&T bar* “Well?”

“How do you deal with all these critics spitting wine at you?”

“Can you teach me how to spit out wine?”

“I want a white wine.”

*is offered a white Bordeaux*

“I SAID A WHITE WINE.”

“I’ve had meals in some Michelin-starred restaurants that were worse than a Wetherspoon’s.”

“Do you have any gin that doesn’t taste like gin?”

“Is that the woman off The Apprentice selling Icewine? Why?”

“We’ve just seen Woody Allen!” They had not just seen Woody Allen.

“We’ve come to the beer stand because, honestly, we just can’t be arsed.” 

“Guest: How much is this wine?

Exhibitor: £77

Guest: Ah yes, I thought it would be about that.”

“I try not to go out to East London if I can avoid it, but I’m not a snob. I was in Angel last week!”

“Apparently there’s a couple copping off in the whiskey masterclass.”

“That brewer, man, he just knew so much about brewing.”

Well-dressed husband and well-dressed wife leaving the venue, speaking in cut-glass accents

“H: My only complaint is that the selection was a trifle restrictive in terms of tasting.

W: Oh really? More on the wine or the spirits side, dear?

H: Spirits…they leave the hotel and turn a corner…NO F***ING TEQUILA!”

“I LIKE BEER. I STILL LIKE BEER.”

“I know you want to have sex tonight, so let’s go to Chiswick.”

“CAMRA will hear about this!” On learning the beer stand is closing and no more free samples can be issued

“Is that the woman off The Apprentice?”

“So tell me, Patrick, what is heavy-petting?”

 explanation 

“Ah, we don’t have that in Spain.”

“I don’t like beer that tastes too much like beer.”

“I’m drunk, but it was an accident.”