Generate your own hipster menu

Opening a hip new over-priced natural wine and grub bar in a stripped back, former Brooklyn/Hackney/Soho fire station? Now you can choose the exquisitely “curated” menu for your painfully ahead-of-trend eatery with the minimum of fuss thanks to a handy generator.

In one of those instances that make you glad the Internet exists, some clever chap or chapess has come up with a “Brooklyn Bar Menu Generator” for those “bereft of original ideas”.

Although designed to cock a snook at the increasingly pompous and overwrought menus that are evidently cropping up in Brooklyn’s trendiest new joints, it is equally applicable to any number of new bars using ping-pong bats for plates in London, Vancouver, New York, Hong Kong or Sydney.

So if you’re in the market for serving “distressed gravlax”, “tormented fig and spinach salads” or “awakened salt” to the bearded, tattooed and homespun set then look no further.

Grab the troughs, trowels, jam jars, fire hydrants, signposts, sods of turf and other paraphernalia you intend to serve these tasty (and tiny) over-priced morsels on and click here.

For further inspiration we also suggest the following:

• No admittance unless wearing a beanie/other appropriate millinery (which is also compulsory terminology) such as fireman’s helmet, distressed top hat etc.
• Facial hair also compulsory – girls will be given woven beards or moustaches of their choice upon arrival.
• Arrival on penny farthing, camel or while accompanied by a crustacean will entitle said customer to a free “half-espresso”.
• Can’t be bothered to buy any table cloths? Either don’t – why hide those antique anvils you’re using as dining platters anyway? – or provide each table with a loom so customers can make them for you – or indeed the requisite facial “hair” for your female clientele.
• Insist on a no shoes policy.
• No reservations.