Top 10 clever cocktail names

What’s in a name? That which we call a Piña Colada by any other name would taste as sweet.

As the role of the mixologist rises to prominence and the bartending profession is taken increasingly seriously, bartenders are putting more thought into their cocktail names in a bid to out pun one another.

From the Slap & Pickle at Berners Tavern in Fitzrovia to the Qunice of the Stone Age at Callooh Callay in Shoreditch, some of the capital’s bartenders are guilty of a pun too many – the “I’m On The Dill You Can Cumin Side Me” at Heaven’s Dog in San Francisco springs to mind.

Read on for our round-up of the top 10 drinks that have tickled us pink. If we’ve left any corkers out then let us know in the comment box below.

10: Pho Money Pho Problems

Punning on the name of the 1997 hip hop track Mo Money Mo Problems by Notorious B.I.G., which was released four months after the rapper was shot dead, the Pho Money Pho Problems is the creation of cocktail wizard Matt Whiley aka Talented Mr. Fox.

On pour at his new bar, Peg + Patriot, at the Town Hall Hotel in Bethnal Green, the drink takes Vietnamese beef soup pho as its inspiration. In keeping with the current trend for savoury cocktails, it combines a pho spirit made from a pho distillate with pak choi, lime leaf and lime juice. 

9: Guac’ to the Future

With Secret Cinema having just held its most ambitious event to date – recreating the fictitious town of Hill Valley in east London, including a fully functioning fairground, for a series of interactive screenings of 1985 cult classic Back to the Future, what better way to toast Doc Brown and Marty McFly than with a Guac’ to the Future at Shoreditch drinking den Callooh Callay?

Blending El Jimador Tequila with guacamole, we’re not sure how the drink’s Mexican roots link to time travel, but surely after one sip there will be no looking guac’.

8: Dill or No Dill

An appreciation of Noel Edmonds and a discerning palate are not two things that usually go together, but you’ve got to hand it to Gareth Evans, group bar manager for Jason Atherton’s London restaurants, including Pollen Street Social, Social Eating House and Berners Tavern, for coming up with the Dill or No Dill.

Blending Tanqueray gin with lemon, smashed cucumber, elderflower cordial, fresh dill and smoked salt, the cocktail has headlined at Berners Tavern since it opened at Ian Schrager’s London Edition hotel in Fitzrovia late last year.

7: Rye Your Eyes Mate

A Matt Whiley creation on pour at Peg + Patriot, like the Pho Money Pho Problems, the Rye Your Eyes Mate also puns on a track, this time by English rapper The Streets aka Mike Skinner – remember him? The breakup song appeared on his 2004 album A Grand Don’t Come For Free.

The cocktail meanwhile, blends rye whiskey with mustard maple syrup, lemon juice and maraschino, and is garnished with a waxed cherry. Another quirkily named concoction worth seeking out on the Peg + Patriot menu is the Sean Connertree, which marries spice tree whisky with pineapple vermouth. 

6: Kilner Me Softly

Those rapscallions at Callooh Callay live for a good pun – previous winners have included the Rye Me To The Moon, Nicolas Sage and Spruce Willis, while their new menu features the Chai Hard, made with chai tea infused sweet vermouth, Ketel One vodka and pomegranate; and the Pea-Ter Rabbit, which blends Tanqueray, green pea and anise infused Noilly Prat and carrot shrub.

We were particularly taken with new addition, the Kilner Me Softly, a blend of Santa Teresa rum, Fernet Branca, bitters and a Coca Cola reduction served in a wood smoked kilner jar, natch. 

5: Cuba Pudding Jr.

Show me the money!… Or at least the way to the nearest bar. This sweet treat could have only sprung from the imagination of the aforementioned Gareth Evans, whose cocktail names get crazier with the opening of each new Jason Atherton backed bar – the 99 Problems But A Birch Ain’t One might be his finest hour, closely followed by Vermouth? You Can’t Handle Vermouth.

But back to the Cuba Pudding Jr., on pour at the Blind Pig speakeasy atop the Social Eating House in Soho, which combines rum, banana, lime juice and orgeat. 

4: Cereal Killer

Yet another Evans extravaganza, the Cereal Killer wins brownie points not only for its name, but its quirky container, which harks back to the vintage milk cartons you used to get at school, with a red and white striped straw adding an extra dollop of nostalgia.

The sinister sounding drink, served at Berners Tavern, combines Havana Maestro rum with Kahlua, white chocolate, Coco Pops milk and chocolate bitters. We’ve not yet tried one but have been told it’s murderously good.

3: The Pitcher of Dorian Grey Goose

Illustration credit: Lauren Mortimer

The first literary inspired cocktail in our line up, The Pitcher of Dorian Grey Goose can be found in Tim Federle’s book on sips with a literary twist. While the Margarita Atwood and Crime and Punish-mint were both worthy contenders, Dorian Grey Goose just pipped them to the post.

An ideal drink to enjoy while wiling away a lazy summer afternoon, it can be made by filling a pitcher with a generous glug of Grey Goose vodka, lemonade, 10 sprigs of mint and cucumber to garnish. We can’t confirm whether or not the elixir has anti-ageing properties.

2: Robin Hood Quince of Thieves / Quince of the Stone Age

You wait all year for a quince-themed cocktail and then two come along at once. We’ll leave it to you which you think trumps the other out of Robin Hood Quince of Thieves and Quince of the Stone Age.

The former, served at Jason Atherton’s latest venture, City Social in Tower 42, blends Somerset 5 Year apple brandy with quince liqueur, honey mead and lemon juice, while the latter, on pour at Callooh Callay, mixes roasted apricots, sage, Ketel One vodka, Briottet quince liqueur, lime juice and bitters. Just the thought of it makes me quince.

1: Tequila Mockingbird

There could only be one winner. Inspiring Tim Federle’s literary sips book, I defy you to find a better cocktail name than Tequila Mockingbird.

Named after the 1960 Pulitzer Prize-winning novel by American author Harper Lee, To Kill A Mockingbird, which explores racial tensions in America’s Deep South, the Kryptonite-coloured cocktail combines Tequila Reposado with crème de menthe, lime and sugar.

We’re not sure how many of these it would take to kill a mockingbird, but it sounds like it would certainly pack a punch. The origins of the cocktail are murky, though it is thought to have emerged in the ‘60s, shortly after the book was published. If it sounds too strong for your liking, you could always pour yourself The Last of the Mojitos instead.