A-Z of beer

An entertaining alphabet of ale-related facts and anecdotes. By Ben McFarland

ALE hasn’t, strictly speaking, been brewed in this country for about 600 years. Traditional ale is just water and malt without the addition of hops – which brewers began using in the 15th century.

BEER contains no fat or cholesterol whatsoever and contains fewer carbohydrates than a gin and tonic.

CANS keep beer better than bottles. They’re like mini metal kegs that don’t get lightstruck and they don’t allow oxygen in to affect the beer. They chill quicker than bottles, they don’t break as easily and, without long bottle necks, cans are cheaper and more environmentally friendly to transport. The only downside is public perception of cans as inferior.

DIACETYL, or to give it its more snappy technical title of C4H602-2,3-butanedione, is a natural by-product of brewing. It can impart a buttery/butterscotch flavour to a beer and, in smaller amounts, a slightly oily mouthfeel. While some brewers like it in their beer, it is regarded as an unwanted influence in lagers.

EARLIEST written account of brewing using hops came courtesy of Hildegarde of Bingen, a 12th century nun who is also credited with the first written description of the female orgasm. She sounds like a keeper.

FINNISH sahti is one of the world’s oldest beer styles and brewed in a rather bizarre fashion. The mash, made up of a variety of grains including rye and barley, is filtered through a bed of juniper twigs, seasoned with juniper berries instead of (and/or in addition to) hops and fermented with baker’s yeast. It tastes like the lovechild of a German hefeweizen and a Lambic beer.

“GOD is Good” is the name brewers gave to the strange shape-shifting substance now known as yeast. Prior to the 17th century and without the luxury of a microscope, yeast was mere mysterious manna from heaven. All brewers knew was that something in the beer, somewhere in the dregs of the froth and the bubbling wort, was transforming a sugary sludge solution into a liquid that made you happy.

HOPS are a member of the same botanical family as cannabis. An aphrodisiac for men yet an inducer of sleep for women, they are not an altogether ideal accompaniment to heterosexual lovemaking. Hops are not the “grapes of beer” as they don’t provide any fermentable sugars – they all come from the malt. Hops are the spice and seasoning in beer – added early in the brewing process for bitterness and later for aroma.

INTERNATIONAL Bittering Units is the currency by which bitterness in beer is measured. An IBU rating is a complex calculation that takes weight of hops, alpha acids, wort and alcohol into account. Malty beers tend to have an IBU of around (15-30) while highly hopped American-style IPAs like Rogue Crustacean Ale or Harpoon Leviathan IPA boast an IBU in the region of 120.

JESUS Christ didn’t turn water into wine, he turned it into beer. One theory argues that grain, not grapes, grew all over the Middle East when Jesus was alive; ale was one of Egypt’s main exports to Europe; and wine was rarely consumed in the region. In an attempt to make Jesus look better, beer was purposely dropped when the scriptures were translated into English – wine was seen as proper posh while beer was regarded a drink for lowly paupers.

KEEPING beer in a cellar can improve and enhance its complexity and flavour when “laid down” (it’s better to stand them upright) and left to improve over time. The best beers to “age”, like a wine or a Port, are those over an abv of 7 or 8% and, ideally, containing significant amounts of hops – which act as a preservative. Bottle-conditioned beers carry on fermenting in the bottle, and as the yeast Pac-Mans up residual sugars, the beer becomes leaner and full of fruity esters.

LAMBIC is the name given to beers made from spontaneous fermentation. The yeast that ferments the beer is “wild”, naturally occurring yeast coming from the atmosphere rather than yeast that’s been deliberately added from a laboratory. A tart acquired taste well worth acquiring.

MICROBREWING in the UK is in a healthier state than any time after the Second World War. In 1976, there were around 150 breweries owned by fewer than a hundred different companies – today, there are in excess of 760 breweries in the UK, the vast majority of which are independent. Drinkers can choose from more than 4,000 different British beers – not including seasonal specialties. Good times – make the most of them.

NO matter where you are in the UK, there is a brewery within 10 miles of your postcode.

ORIGINALLY, brewing was the exclusive preserve of women – right up until it was seized upon as a large-scale commercial venture. “Brewsters” and “ale wives” are frequently mentioned in medieval history and, according to ancient Finnish folklore, ale was first created by three women: Osmotor, Kapo, and Kalevatar. It consisted of saliva from a bear and wild honey.

PILSNER was first brewed, in 1842, in the town of Pilsen in Bohemia by a notoriously bad-tempered Bavarian called Josef Groll. It is now the most popular beer style in the world.

QUART, up until the end of the 19th century, was the standard serving in British pubs. It was the equivalent of around two pints.

“REAL McCoy” is a term that derives from Jim McCoy, a Prohibition-era bootlegger whose beers were impressively similar in taste to the real brands.

SOFT water, with barely any mineral salts, is ideal for brewing lager while mineral-rich water is generally used to brew ales, porters and stouts. But now boffin brewers can manipulate their water to brew any style they like.

TRAPPIST beers are really rather good. They can only be brewed by the Cistercian Order of the Strict Observance. Renowned for their rigorous religious obedience, sustained silence and strict adherence to selfsufficiency, the Trappists have six abbey breweries in Belgium (Orval, Westvleteren, Rochefort, Westmalle, Chimay and Achel) and one in the Netherlands (La Trappe/De Koningshoeven).

UP until relatively recently, doctors would often prescribe small amounts of beer to pregnant women as a rich source of nutrients and iron.

VIKINGS believed that a giant goat whose udders provided an endless supply of beer awaited them in Valhalla, the Viking heaven.

WEIHENSTEPHAN in Friesing, Bavaria, is widely regarded as the oldest brewery in the world. Records show that it began brewing since 1040, but, with evidence of a hop garden on site as far back as 768, it’s thought that the “Holy Stephen” Benedictine monks had brewed prior to that.

X is the letter that British brewers once used to indicate the strength of their beers. The greater the number of Xs, the greater the strength of the beer. This system is also used for Swedish “arthouse” films. Apparently.

YEAST, in general, either floats to the top (ale) of the beer after fermentation or to the bottom (lager). The former prefers things warm while the later operates best in colder climes. Yet what differentiates ale yeast from lager yeast is what they eat and expel. To cut a long and rather complicated metabolic explanation short, lager yeast is a polite, if a little dry, dinner guest. It will consume pretty much everything put in front of it, won’t contribute much flavour to the evening and remain in the background. Ale yeast, by contrast, is a fussy eater that’ll refuse to consume the residual sugars and byproducts dished out by the wort, it’ll stamp its opinionated authority on the evening and its flavoursome yet entertaining outbursts may clash with the other dinner guests – be they malt, water or hops.

ZYTHOPHILE is the term given to someone who loves beer.